We need a doula for widow/ers. And a midwife also. Help at the beginning and ending.
The widow/er midwife would help with the immediate stuff; choose the funeral parlor (Isn’t it odd that they are still called parlors?), cancel the credit cards, make a Facebook Memorial page, arrange the funeral/ceremony, make sure the widow/er doesn’t drown themselves in alcohol or sleeping pills or forget to eat for days at a time. It would be the midwife’s job, all of that horror. Then the doula would come in and help with the ongoing horror like receiving guests and cards and flowers and listening to everyone say how they are so sorry. The doulas would be right there by our side when we break down at the funeral and practically have to be carried out. She would stick around for the sifting of the insurance and medical bill nightmare. How would we know when we didn’t need the doula anymore?
We wouldn’t. She will be so enlightened that she would know when it was time to leave.
The doula would know that there will always be another person to help. And there is.
The person who helps the most is our own selves. That deep primal part of us who knows that survival isn’t dependent on healing so we better get to work.
What would we name a widow/er midwife and a widow/er doula? If we name them maybe they can exist.