Forgetting is Not an Option

“Only an idiot has no grief; only a fool would forget it.
What else is there in this world sharp enough to stick to your guts?” Mosquitoes by William Faulkner

Photo via Good Free Photos

If we could forget trauma, would we? Would it turn out that destiny has a hand in memory, like in the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

I have accepted fear
as a part of life – specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back. Erica Jong

 

The root of all fear is change, I think. As an orthopedic surgeon told me once, “You’re not IN pain; you’re AFRAID of pain.”

I have been trying to take a step back, stop running from the grief.

“Between grief and nothing I will take grief”
The Wild Palms
by William Faulkner

Apathy is the opposite of both love and hate. What is the opposite of grief? The dictionary’s list of antonyms for grief go from “exhilaration” to “advantage.” But “peace” and “relief” are in there also.

There is no forgetting. If it was possible to forget grief, memory would be especially cruel.

How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! -from “Eloisa to Abelard” by Alexander Pope

I always liked the lines,

Ah hopeless, lasting flames! like those that burn 
To light the dead, and warm th’ unfruitful urn. 

She curses love as “hopeless” yet relentless.

Now there is a haunting love story, Heloisa and Abelard. In fact, Kent and I watched the movie together, Stealing Heaven.

We sobbed and sobbed. We snuggled until the tears turned into laughter; the laughter of gratefulness, the laughter of love.

Forget? No. No, I don’t think so.

1 thought on “Forgetting is Not an Option

  1. Chauncey St. John September 2, 2018 — 12:43 pm

    Damn! This was an especially powerful post, with a knockout of an ending.

Leave a Reply to Chauncey St. John Cancel reply

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