I am Tomorrow

Planting a seed in the dark earth creates a promise of the future.

I did not know that’s what I was doing, but it’s true. I will be here to see it sprout…I will be here to watch it grow. The last thing I wanted to think about right after Kent died was the future. It hurt too much to imagine birthdays and anniversaries without him.

But time moves on whether we want it to or not. I do not buy into the old adage that “Time heals.” It changes things, certainly, but the healing has to come from within.

It’s work, being a widow/er. Unlike our autonomic system of breathing, our system of living must involve desire.

I haven’t posted here in a while because I have been busy writing a memoir about Kent’s long illness and eventual death from cancer. Reliving and revising…remembering.

This Thanksgiving will make nine years since he’s been gone. Little by little, I have been learning to choose life.

I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day.

James Joyce